Society.
Society makes me sick. It makes my stomach churn and my knees tremble. Society is people crawling over people, people being bad to one another too often.

It is human nature for one to feel he needs to be free. And sometimes even, alone. Not because hes’ sad or depressed. True, there are people who feel they do not deserve to be loved, so they walk away into the quiet corner, trying to fill in the gaps.

Sick of society. Sick of this country. I am bound by the law and people. Parents, hypocrites, strangers.

Most would argue ‘ You’re sick of this country because you’ve been here too long, once you’re out of this country, you’d want to come home. There is no place like home. ‘

I beg to differ. It would be like breaking up with someone. After the breakup, you’d wonder why you broke up in the first place, because shes so nice, he’s changed, shes more compromising.

We often forget that people are softened by the forced reflection that comes with loss.

Tossing and turning for three hours this morning, trying to get some sleep. I failed. There was too much on my mind.

I began to drift away in my thoughts once again and asked myself ‘ Do I have joy in my life? ‘ . Before I could answer that I began to think about optimism and pessimism.

Optimism is pessimism, and pessimism is optimism, in my opinion, for what it’s worth.

Optimism – a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome.

Pessimism – the tendency to see, anticipate, or emphasize only bad or undesirable outcomes, results, conditions, problems, etc.:

We are disappointed by failed expectations. Angered, even jealous sometimes. All these negative emotions pour in when we have expectations. And optimism is having good expectations.

Yet if we’re pessimists, we have nothing to lose, there is only the possibility of exceeding your expectations and being happy. Afterall, whats the worst that can happen when you’ve already expected the worst to happen.

I’m drifting through life at this point, not making any big decisions or laying down plans. I haven’t decided anything yet, maybe I just don’t want to.
Maybe I just want to run away. Be free. Yes, another awful, overused cliche. Part of me is hungry for freedom. Freedom from society, freedom from people.

People live to disappoint, society overflows with deceit and neverending politics, but nature, well natures’ a whole different thing.
I will and I shall.